Cauliflower Mash

Serves 4-6 people


There are the only two good things that came out of my losing 40 pounds in 30 minutes on the Keto diet 3 years ago:


1. The absolute knowledge that I’m meant to be a thicc boy. No more diets for me, love!


2. This cauliflower mash that I invented whilst crying about how much I missed mashed potatoes. Like, I really missed mashed potatoes. I am here to tell you, perhaps controversially, that I now enjoy this cauliflower mash more than mashed potatoes. It's (slightly) easier to make, just as creamy, and has incredible depth of flavor. I make it ALL THE TIME, and I hope you will, too!

WHAT YOU'LL NEED


2 heads cauliflower

8 cloves of garlic, smashed and peeled

1/2 cup olive oil, plus more for the top

Kosher salt

Pepper

Red pepper flakes


WHAT YOU'LL DO


Put a big pot of water on the stove to boil. Once it begins to boil, add lots of kosher salt and bring to a boil again.


Chop your cauliflower into chunks. They should be around the same size, but don't go crazy here. Remember the Grossy rule: Fun comes first! The cauliflower will fall apart but you should not. Add cauliflower to boiling water and boil until knife-tender (that means a knife pierces the cauliflower with little to no resistance).


Meanwhile add your oil, garlic, salt, pepper and red pepper flakes to a pan and crisp the garlic over MEDIUM heat. This will infuse the oil with so much flavor, and the crispy garlic bits will be the star of the whole show. If you think you have gone too crispy on the garlic, that is highly unlikely.


I also just wanna say that as you make this over and over, you can up the garlic or reduce it as you like. This is just the way I tend to like my cauliflower mash, but please take it from here and adapt.


Strain the water from your cauliflower and reserve a cup of the water from the pot in case you need it!


Add your cauliflower, your crispy garlic, and oil to a bowl.


Now it's time to mash. I always use my immersion blender for mashing. I stick it in the bowl and don't stop blending until everything is nice and creamy. If things are a bit thick, I throw a little of the reserve cauliflower water until I get the consistency I like.


If you do not have an immersion blender, here are other things that work just the same: a stand mixer, a hand mixer, a hand stand mixer (not a thing), a hand masher, a wooden spoon, a fork, or your actual hands but please don't burn yourself, honey.


Once you have landed in your desired location between creamy and chunky, add in some more salt, pepper and red pepper to taste. I also like the textural addition here of each ingredient.


Add your cauliflower mash to your serving bowl and, using the back of the spoon, create some peaks and valleys in the top of you mash. Drizzle some olive oil, creating a family of olive oil lakes that you will visit all year long with friends. I have a great Airbnb I can recommend at the top of the highest cauliflower mountain—the sunset is truly incredible.


LOL enjoy!


Make it step-by-step with me below!

LET'S DO THIS ONE STEP AT A TIME:

1. Let's jump right in cause I am HUNRGY. Cut your cauliflower heads into into chunky chunks!

2. Your pieces of cauliflower should be around the same size, but she is gonna fall apart as you go. Do not let this cause you to fall apart as well. It honestly does not matter in the least.

3. Add them to a big pot of salty boiling water and boil until they are knife-tender.

4. Meanwhile add your oil, garlic, salt, pepper and red pepper flakes to a pan and crisp the garlic over MEDIUM heat. This will infuse the oil with so much flavor, and the crispy garlic bits will be the star of the whole show. If you think you have gone too crispy on the garlic, that is highly unlikely.


I also just wanna say that as you make this over and over, you can up the garlic or reduce it as you like. This is just the way I tend to like my cauliflower mash but please take it from here and adapt.

3. Okay we are at "knife-tender" (meaning a knife pierces the cauliflower with little to no resistance).

5. Strain the water from your cauliflower and reserve a cup of the water from the pot in case you need it!

6. Add your cauliflower, your crispy garlic, and oil to a bowl.

7. Now it's time to mash. I always use my immersion blender. I stick it in the bowl and don't stop blending until everything is nice and creamy. If things are a bit thick, I throw a little of the reserve cauliflower water until I get the consistency I like.


If you do not have an immersion blender, here are other things that work just the same: a stand mixer, a hand mixer, a hand stand mixer (not a thing), a hand masher, a wooden spoon, a fork, or your actual hands but please don't burn yourself, honey.

8. Once you have landed in your desired location between creamy and chunky, add in some more salt, pepper and red pepper to taste. I also like the textural addition here of each ingredient.

9. Add your cauliflower mash to your serving bowl and, using the back of the spoon, create some peaks and valleys in the top of you mash. Drizzle some olive oil, creating a family of olive oil lakes that you will visit all year long with friends. I have a great Airbnb I can recommend at the top of the highest cauliflower mountain—the sunset is truly incredible.

10. You will never eat mashed potatoes again.


JK, yes you willlllllll. But enjoy!